While that case seems absurd, it is true that Facebook is increasingly being cited as a sort of ‘witness” in a record number of divorce cases. In 2010, more than 80 percent of attorneys surveyed by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers stated that it was extremely common to use evidence from social media sites such as Facebook in divorce cases. People were able to use photographs shared on Facebook to accuse their then-spouse of everything from infidelity to drug use. And photographic evidence, of everything from drug use to not insisting on bike helmets or using seat belts and child seats for children riding in cars, has been successfully been used in countless child custody cases.

The bottom line? If you post photos or statements which contradict what you have told your spouse or your estranged spouse, you may regret it.

To contact Bill Thode, a Denver divorce lawyer, Denver child custody attorney, or family lawyer, visit http://www.thodelaw.com or call (303) 330-0425.

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If you do post or tweet or blog, you are in good company. But before you decide to share the details of your divorce, consider taking a step back. Think about how your vitriol towards another person will look to mutual friends, to family, to your coworkers, or to anyone who might stumble across it. Think about what your children may someday read.

And, if you do decide to write about it? Stay cool. As tempting as it may be to bash your ex via one of your online outlets, don’t. Do not threaten them, do not trash them, do not share private information, do not air their – or your – dirty laundry. It is so tempting to vent, but things you post can be saved forever –even if you delete them later, there are screenshots and caches that can easily snagged by someone and saved. Instead, pick up the phone to a friend, make a coffee date or schedule a counseling appointment. Talk to a live person, get some outside perspective, and don’t leave your “in the moment” mood for all to see.

To contact Bill Thode, a Denver divorce lawyer, Denver child custody attorney, or family lawyer, visit http://www.thodelaw.com or call (303) 330-0425.

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If your split was acrimonious, a joint custody arrangement can feel uncomfortable. You may have a painful history that you are reminded of whenever you and your ex have to communicate — and because you have children, you will need to communicate on a regular basis. Discussing shared decisions and having to see each other at drop off and pick up times can be quite unpleasant, at first. But co-parenting is something you and your ex can and must learn to do, if you want your children to thrive.

Children need to feel loved and wanted in both households, with realistic limits, appropriate discipline, and positive reinforcement. Children should be shielded from their parents battles, disagreements and ongoing and resentments.

Here are some dos and don’t for parenting post-divorce:
 Do not push your children, overly or covertly, to choose one parent over the other.
 Do not send messages to your ex through your children.
 Do not use your children to “report back” on your ex.
 Do not criticize the other parent’s choices in front of your children.
 Do not recount for your children grievances you had or still have from the marriage.
 Do not explain to your children the logistics of your divorce or your financial agreement.
 Do not make your children your confidant, your caregiver or your emotional companion.

Also,
 Do strive to ensure your children feel wanted and loved in your home.
 Do be patient if your children act out or regress slightly for a period of time. It is how children deal with the stress of divorce.
 Do reach out for professional support for your child if he or she is still having trouble after several months.
 Do work out a relationship with your ex where you can communicate without rancor about issues involving parenting and the children.
 Do keep in mind the positive things your ex brings to his or her parenting role.

There are numerous resources for parenting after a separation or divorce, including therapists, counselors, books, websites, and mediators. If you have concerns about your child custody arrangements, your spousal support or other issues regarding your divorce, speak with a qualified Denver child custody lawyer.

To contact Bill Thode, a Denver divorce lawyer, Denver child custody attorney, or family lawyer, visit http://www.thodelaw.com or call (303) 330-0425.

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In Colorado, there are no specific rules concerning parents with disabilities. If there is a disagreement between you and your ex about custody, the Court will consider all the relevant information that may affect your parenting. If your disability does not greatly interfere with quality parenting from you, it will likely not play much of an issue. The Court will work to put into place a Parenting Plan regarding the custody of your child, taking into account what is in the child’s best interest. While nature of your disability may play some part in the specifics of the Parenting Plan you and your ex will follow, Colorado law presumes that both of you will and should be reasonably involved with your child. Your disability will not, by itself, disqualify you from parenting.

Work with an experienced child custody and family law attorney to determine your rights.

To contact Bill Thode, a Denver divorce lawyer, Denver child custody attorney, or family lawyer, visit http://www.thodelaw.com or call (303) 330-0425.

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Many therapists and other mental health professionals believe that divorce therapy can be of a benefit to most people who are splitting up. Divorce therapy is designed to help divorcing couples communicate better and negotiate clearly in a way that may have been difficult or even impossible when they were committed to their marriage. Different from marriage counseling, divorce therapy does not work to save the relationship; divorce therapy is designed to help facilitate the divorce.

Divorce therapy is still fairly new, and while proponents vary in method, there are some basic steps or stages of the therapy that most agree work for a smooth transition:

Acknowledge the end of the marriage.

Find a way to work with the ex-spouse, if only to work out asset dissolution.

Recognize what issues were brought to the marriage from both sides.

Develop outside social support.

Decide how to approach the divorce in a way that feels fair to both you and your spouse. Both partners should feel they are treated fairly for smooth resolution.

The side benefit of divorce therapy, proponents say, is that individuals can learn a great deal about communication, conflict resolution and compromise. Research has shown that some 75 percent of divorced people remarry.  Divorce therapy may help you find out how to work with your future partner.

To contact Bill Thode, a Denver divorce lawyer, Denver child custody attorney, or family lawyer, visit http://www.thodelaw.com or call (303) 330-0425.

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Basic Questions

Are you attempting to work out the best parenting plan for your child, or is one or both of you digging in your heels in order to ensure the other parent does not get the level of custody they want? Is having outside litigation really in the best interest of your child? And if you think it is, what do you expect in all likelihood will be decided by the court? How confident are you?

Things To Consider

Outside Guardian: If the court determines that neither of you are acting in the best interest of your child, a guardian may be appointed to oversee the decision-making process. If your child is quite young, what he or she wants may not carry much weight.

Evaluations: If there are concerns about the parenting or fitness of one or more parent, the court may order an independent evaluation to interview all parties, run psychological testing, review school records and/or medical records, and look for any domestic disputes or any criminal records that may exist for either of you.

Mothers: Though the judicial system almost always ruled in the mother’s favor when it came to custody decisions, this is no longer always the case.

Though you may firmly believe you are the better parent and should retain custody of the child, the court may decide against you. If there are no concrete reasons why your ex should not share custody, be prepared to work together in the way that works in the best interest of the children.

To contact Bill Thode, a Denver divorce lawyer, Denver child custody attorney, or family lawyer, visit http://www.thodelaw.com or call (303) 330-0425.

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Cost Of Living Adjustment (Cola):

If you are receiving support and you feel you need a cost of living adjustment, look to see if you have a clause in your original divorce decree which states that payments will increase at the rate equal to an annual cost of living.

Temporary Modification:

The loss of your job, an illness or other unexpected situation or emergency may cause you or your ex a temporary hardship. The courts can increase the amount allotted to the hardship bearer as a temporary measure. Likewise, if the payor loses work or becomes ill and cannot maintain the court-ordered support, payments can temporarily be decreased. After a set time, payments can revert back. If there is a permanent disability, modification may not revert back.

Cohabitation:

If an ex-spouse cohabitates with another adult, it is common that support will be significantly decreased in most circumstances.

Speak with an attorney at Thode Law to see if you are eligible for modification of the spousal alimony that you receive or pay.

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“The Colorado courts apply several criteria when determining parental responsibility,” says Bill Thode, Denver custody attorney. Colorado courts attempt to decide child placement and parental responsibility issues based on what it determined to be the best interests of the child, while avoiding gender bias of the parent.”

The court applies several factors to determine what is the best interests of the child, examining the child’s wishes, if old enough to express them, the parents’ wishes, the relations whip the child has with each parent, the child’s living situation (including schooling, home and community), and the mental and emotional well-being of all parties.

Joint parental responsibility is usually awarded to parents where both are allowed frequent and stable contact with their child, taking into consideration whether the parents are able to work together to make joint decisions in the child’s best interest, and if the scheduling for joint custody works well for the child.

Visitation rights in Colorado are referred to as “parenting time;” parents without the primary custodial rights to their child are entitled to parenting time as determined by the court. The child is consulted, if old enough to make an informed decision, on what parenting time would be amenable. Also taken into consideration by the judge are the child’s siblings and the geographical proximity of both parents. Third parties such as grandparents do not generally have automatic visitation rights to the child.

Parents must submit a parenting plan to the court which allocates each parent’s time with their child, including holidays, school breaks and other times as a requirement. Allocation of child support is only partially determined by which parent has the majority of time with the child. Additional factors include each parent’s gross monthly income and other expenses.

To contact Bill Thode, a Denver divorce lawyer, Denver child custody attorney, or family lawyer, visit http://www.thodelaw.com or call (303) 330-0425.

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While you and your partner may be excited to have this new arrangement, it is normal for the children to be uncertain and even quite upset. The blending of the families is a concrete sign that their parents will not be reconciling (a common fantasy), and it may be frightening to feel that they are “losing” their other parent, even if that relationship was not a close one. They may or may not enjoy the company of their new step-siblings, or may feel they need to compete for attention in a way they never had to before. They may even not like your new spouse very much, due to personality conflicts or simple childhood resentment.

Move Slowly. Blended families have a higher success rate if the new couple waits at least two years after the split of the former marriage before they marry. Children need time to process and find their footing after their parents divorce.

Keep It Simple. While it is tempting to treat the children to fun outings every time you are together, it creates a false sense of excitement and does not allow the working out of general life negotiations, which is essential for any working family. Have sit-down dinners at home, go to soccer games, do homework around the table, before the family is formally blended. Let the children see how things will feel when this is “normal life.”

To contact Bill Thode, a Denver divorce lawyer, Denver child custody attorney, or family lawyer, visit http://www.thodelaw.com or call (303) 330-0425.

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The most pressing issues, says, Thode, are ones of basic survival. “Determining where to live, or how to manage the once-shared home, is decision number one,” says Thode. “Sorting out general finances, deciding on custody arrangements if there are children from the marriage – it all can seem overwhelming, but take one decision at a time.”

It may not always make sense to keep the house. If mortgage payments are a struggle to make with two incomes, it will be almost impossible to cover the monthly payments with one income, even with alimony or other support.

For many, the next aspect of divorce to face is one of self-identify. From marital status to shared friends to family trips and daily routines –all of that will change. The best way an individual can deal with it, advises Thode, is to admit that a new chapter has started. Look at the change as less of a loss and more of a new start. For some, it helps to work with a qualified therapist, to examine the mistakes made in the relationship, and how to move forward.

Approaching divorce as a series of steps is helpful, suggests Thode. Upset, chaos, grief, acceptance, decision-making – all have a place in the process, and all can be weathered. One of the issues that often creates more stress is when one partner tries to determine what the other spouse wants, and does not make his or her own wishes clear. Clear, concise communication about issues, staying civil, and treating the split as a series of business decisions as much as possible all go toward keeping the chaos and upset to a minimum. When that is not possible, reply on an experienced divorce attorney to help make wishes clear and work toward compromise.

To contact Bill Thode, a Denver divorce lawyer, Denver child custody attorney, or family lawyer, visit http://www.thodelaw.com or call (303) 330-0425.

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